I don't remember how I celebrated my 30th birthday; probably I didn't. From young, my birthdays were never important to me. I didn't feel special, I didn't have any needs (eg present for myself) to be fulfilled. I count my blessings daily, I take stock of my achievements and happiness regularly. I feel confident in growing old gracefully, and my age has never been a secret.
It was not a sudden change of attitude about birthday; the strong feelings I had about turning 40 is a result of events that occured over the past 2 to 3 years. In short, it is mid-life crisis that has hit me. It sounds cliche, but it's true and real..
Looking back from this point in time, it's not difficult to explain or to see why. In the years before graduation, life's purpose and pursues were crystal clear. There were much to be learned and discovered through school, books, and our quest for knowledge and skill sets. The goals were clear, that good results was the way to future success.
In the first 10 to 15 years after graduation, there were so many idealogy for us to work towards, in both personal and work life. And so much was achieved too - career, marriage, savings, house, kids, and stability of life.
Should I say, that at the peak of my life at mid to late 30s, it had never crossed my mind that what comes after the peak is, inevitably, the downturn.
So I guess, I was hit hard by mid life crisis. "Suddenly", I was no longer as energetic as the younger graduates. "Suddenly", the promotions slowed down. "Suddenly", life at home has became monotonous. "Suddenly", I started to question, something that I had stopped questioning a long time ago, about what life's real purpose is. "Suddenly", I realised that I'm not invincible. "Success" was an illusion, like a pair of tinted glasses that I was looking at my life with in all these past years.
Fortunately, life is a journey in which we keep on learning. Some lessons were learnt easily, some lessons were learnt the hard way. Toward the second half of last year, I have started to move on again. I am passed the bleakest (and steepest) ridge. Now that I see what's in front of me, I hope I'm having a good head start to the next phase.
The wish to have a memorable celebration to mark my 40th birthday occured to me in the second half of last year. I was having dinner with Lili when I told her that I will have a "个人演唱会" at partyworld on my birthday. Then during a chit-chat with WS, I told her that I want to do a commemorative "个人专集" (photo) while I'm still pretty. I couldn't decide what to do then, as I also wanted a night-out (away from home, bed and kid) celebration party.
I did some online research on photo packages; I also thought of asking if Winny or Lixing will do it for goodwill. Eventually, it was the staycation that materialized, cos during the Deloitte gathering on 15th Dec, Ginny and Joc expressed interest in participating if I organise one.
On Friday the 10th of Jan, and the weekends of 11-12th Jan, I had such eventful and emotional (happy and unhappy) birthday celebrations. I'm not sure if I will be blogging about the unhappy moments and incidents, but I will definitely blog about the happy ones!
This has been such a long outstanding post. It felt great to finally pen down my feelings about my milestone. I'm going to end here, with a positive note for all my friends turning 40 this year: LIFE STARTS, AGAIN!, AT 40!!
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