2 roses

This year's Mothers' day, my sweetie gave me a present and a card.  This is not the first card that I receive, as childcare centres will definitely get the kids to do either card or craft for Mothers' and Fathers' day.  This year, she did a card out of her free will (no longer a school work), and she forked out $3 to buy me and MIL a plastic rose each from the school bookshop.  Am I happy at receiving the card and rose?  I am, but what strikes me, and makes me secretly very happy is that sweetie bought one for MIL too.  Such a lovely gesture.

Not too long ago, some agency made a short clip to promote the granting of a weekly off-day to domestic helper.  The video generated a lot of discussions, as a lot of parents felt offended by it's content.  Most of the discussions were "healthy" stuff.  (Nowadays, there are far too many crude, blunt and irresponsible verbal exchanges on cyberspace.)  Most folks criticised the video in a civilised way.

And what do I think?  Firstly, I'm belong to the camp that criticise the video.   If the main purpose of the video is to promote the wellbeing of DH, why select such a provocative manner of presenting, that distracts the viewers from the real message.   All the discussions were about parents spending more time with their kids, instead of the contribution or the wellbeing of DH here.  I was so amused when I saw my BIL, who doesn't have a DH, sharing the article and tagging his 2 sisters (who have DHs) and his wife.   I couldn't resisting taking a poke at him, so I asked him what's his view.  He replied that he will be that "26% of parent' who knows their kids better than the DH.  His sister M commented that her kids will not tell DH everything.  And his sister W commented about the video bringing awareness to working parents.  So, the video fail, not only because the main point is weak, but it may also create resentment/jealousy in some mothers/parents of their DH.

Secondly, let's forget about DH welfare and talk about promoting greater bonding between parents and their kids.  Again, I felt that the video is too harsh.  I feel for working parents.  Most working parents are overworked not by choice, or are not capable enough to manage their time effectively (meaning it's an ability issue), to spend the required or the optimal amount of time with kids.  When I see friends around me who are not such great parents, I realised that it is not a willingness issue, but an ability issue.  The video is like a slap in the face, instead of a gentle reminder.  The maker of the videos don't seem to empathize with mothers who (by nature) always struggle with the feeling of guilt.

And I wonder, if it's actually ok if the DH know the kids well/better!  Maybe it is because my helper (in bringing up my gal, not helper of domestic chores) is my MIL.  I'm glad that when I'm away at work, my gal has the love and attention of someone who can stand in for me.  Of course, I am also lucky that I don't feel jealous of her as I still know my gal better than her.

My own experience tells me that, it takes ability, to (i) harness the help of others (DH, MIL) in giving the best care your child when one is at work, and then to (ii) "catch up" with quality time.  The former (i) is what the child need and the latter (ii) is what the parent needs.

So much said, all these are just thoughts and theories.  The struggle goes on, so my parting words are: 加油，妈妈们!