Monologue

I did it.  I'm not changing my mind.  This is going to be such a wilful, daring, reckless, intuitive, defiant, frightening thing that I am going to do.  I'm torn, I do not really believe in myself as much as I pretend to be.  If not, I wouldn't be doing this self-reassuring monologue. 

They judge; they say they don't but they do.  Your judgement don't hurt me, but I can't share my joy, the anticipation, the hope and my anxiety freely with you, who actually cared.  It's becoming a lonely journey.  All because of the uncertainty.   

I have an impulse that I need to act on.  The tragedy at Botanic Grd over the last weekend brought back memory of the tragedy of Mt Kinabalu in 2015.  I must do what my heart tells me, even if the price is high.   

~E~