从心开始

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https://millidream3.blogspot.sg

Hello Aug 2017

Hello friends, it had been soommeeeetime, I know.  This morning, I tried to log into this blog using the main account, but failed, because I changed computer, and the main account's email is no longer functioning.  So I am typing this using the secondary account, which has some limits in functions.  Someone left a comment on my previous post, and I can't delete it.  Please don't click on it, it's advertising/click bait.

So, I decided that it is time to move on!  I have so much to update, to give an account of the missing time, from Feb till now.  I have been up to something, but had been very silent.  It's apt, to start Millidream3 for this little journey and thereon.

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I tried, for the past 20mins to get onto to blogger mobile app on Iphone, to add a picture to this post, but failed..  So, is my next blog going to be Wordpress?

Monologue

I did it.  I'm not changing my mind.  This is going to be such a wilful, daring, reckless, intuitive, defiant, frightening thing that I am going to do.  I'm torn, I do not really believe in myself as much as I pretend to be.  If not, I wouldn't be doing this self-reassuring monologue. 

They judge; they say they don't but they do.  Your judgement don't hurt me, but I can't share my joy, the anticipation, the hope and my anxiety freely with you, who actually cared.  It's becoming a lonely journey.  All because of the uncertainty.   

I have an impulse that I need to act on.  The tragedy at Botanic Grd over the last weekend brought back memory of the tragedy of Mt Kinabalu in 2015.  I must do what my heart tells me, even if the price is high.   

~E~

Middle age

This year's birthday, I looked back at some of my old postings on blog and FB and realised that (i) I have aged, and (ii) I have been talking about going into the 2nd half of my life since a few years back (http://millidream.blogspot.sg/2009/01/half-way-there.html)

35th Bd, still youthful looking back then.

43, no longer earlier 40s, more like mid 40s.  If I had looked "not like 40" 3 years ago, now I definitely look my age.  Not complaining; although I am vain, I am not that obsessed.  Just stating my observation.

This year's birthday, was uneventful compared to 40,41, and 42.  Uneventful in a good way. 

Firstly, I celebrated with friends on Sunday.  Here are the photos for remembrance sake:

 I celebrated with my 2 darlings, with a simple dinner at TPY center.  That's the best that Mr. darling has done in so many year, so I shall be thankful and appreciative. 

Sweetie chose Black Forest cake. Took it to grandma's house to share.

There were the usual SMS, from the RV gang (ha! as if I'm from RV..), old friends like Hwee Shan, Weiyu, Lydia.  And my most loyal “美妹” Sze Yeng, and my extended Lim family.  I think these are going to be the folks who will wish me every year, till.. death do us apart?? HA!  Oh, I must not forget, the beauties from Jabil too!

And for yet another year/time, my dear MIL "forgot" my birthday, and in a "loud" way.. Whenever I discuss with my girl friends the topic whether parents in laws can ever be as close as our own parents, I always advocate "no", and that it is only natural.  I will tell the story of my MIL who tells me every yearend that the earliest birthday in the (extended) family is my SIL's (May), whose birthday is on 19 Jan.  I never bother to correct her, cos year after year, she will watch us celebrate my birthday on the 11th, and the next year she will still say the same thing.  I feel that birthday of children are very special to their mothers.  Thus I never expected her to remember my as well as her own.  Anyway, this year, she declared very loudly in front of the whole family during CNY reunion that May's birthday is the earliest, and still ask “是吗？”when the rest tried correcting her.  HAHAHA again.. 

Just realized that May seldom appear on my blog. Here we are at 海底捞 for reunion dinner of the Yap family.

My birthday wish for this year is: 
Find a higher  purpose, light up my fire, be healthier, be as thankful and as grateful as always

Recap 2016 (II) - Bffs

At different stages of my life, my BFFs changes.  BFF are defined as "forever", but circumstances change even if people don't. 

I had spent quite a fair bit of time with these 3 ladies in the past 2 years.  They are not in my daily life, but there are my mental support.  They are also the catalyst of change.  2016 proved to be eventful and emotionally charged, partly because of them.

2016, the year of relationships.  Thank you my friends. 

One last BD dinner in Oct before our Whatsapp title changes again..

18th Nov, sometime "new" that challenges boundaries. 

Weekday dinner: "give and take".  At Duxton Hill.  Can see the words on the plaque on the bar top?

Wish me courage

Since I started writing the blog, most year ends I struggle a bit to pen down some meaningful and memorable words about the year gone by and the year to come. 


2016 HAD been a year about relationships.  Something major happened but it is a very private affair that I won't share in this blog.  It went unnoticed to most people around me, but my closest friends were there for me.  Through this episode, I learn the meaning of love, the meaning of self respect and love, and the meaning of growing older, wiser and nicer.  I am not ready to put down the burden of what had happened, but I am very willing and eager to use this experience to improve relationships going forward. 

Still on relationship, back in Nov I had a rare outing with Mum and Sis to Marriot Hotel high-tea buffet on a weekday.  That day I spent the whole morning running errant with Mum at banks and the CPF building.  Mum is the old fashion type whom I can't discuss topics such as financial planning (eg Will) with; thus it was a good opportunity that I grabbed, to put some controls in place when she initiated to open a joint account.  I know it is wistful thinking, that Mum will one day appreciate what she is blessed with and not keep dwelling on unfulfilled wishes.  Oh well, I will continue to do what is within my capability and not dwell on the unbridgeable.

IN 2017, I want to muster all my courage to carry out my wish.  I had postponed this for a year now, and I hope I won't postpone it again.  So next year may be yet another turning point for me.  I feel that I have come to point in my life where there is no strong push to complete anything major.  If I have 84 years to live, I have completed half of it.  It is time to restart again.
    

Choices & Decisions

Every minute every second, we make decisions. Like making a decision on how to spend a lovely Friday evening. Like making a choice to say goodbye or to just go away.  To sulk or to make full use of that only weekend day.

The one thing missing

An article, dedicated to my sweetie. 


http://refineus.org/the-one-thing-missing/


This is the 2nd time I am dedicating an article on couple relationship to my darling-daughter rather than darling-hubby.  On one hand, people only live once; I had already picked my life partner, and we will keep learning together to grow the relationship for the better.  On the other hand, the dream of a second chance at something even better, isn't this the reason why we all want to and feel excited about having children?   I fantasied about Lynn asking for my opinion on how to pick a good partner and what I think of her daddy.   It's a challenging and interesting question to answer.  But she may never ask, like I never asked my mum.  I hope she does.

Anyway here's another great article to read.   

Of Time and Love

Hello, it's been quite some time. 

In April, I gained a deeper understanding of what Love is.  I have always wonder why and how I love some people so easily and unconditionally, like my child, but I struggle with defining how much my love is for the rest of people dear to me.   Finally, it took an incident in April, to illustrate what it means by love is an action.  Some say that love is selfish, but I disagree.  What I found out is that love is giving.  It is enlightening to finally know the true meaning of these words.    

Then from end April to end of this week, it is busy times (exams and business trips).  Time, is a difficult concept.  Is it totally natural, when mother earth goes religiously around its sun? Or is it man made, self imposed to restrain and restrict one's journey through mother earth?  Each of us has 24 hours in a day.  How do one make the choice of what is the priority in one's current stage in life.  Other than exam and career, what is my priority now?  Love, I have given; love I am not seeking now.

And I try to practise graciousness.  Again it is about choices, how we choose to conduct ourselves.  I pick graciousness, you pick righteousness; I spread love, you spread meanness. 

Ha!  This is one of my most philosophical post to date!  

A passerby in HCM

I went on a last minute business trip to Ho Chi Ming city in February.  It was my first time in Vietnam.  Was there for a short 3 days (15-17Feb). 

I thought it will feel like China many years back, but it does not.  The custom officer whom I met was not friendly; the ones in China are more pro-tourists and foreigners.  The people speaks softly, unlike in China.  The traffic was less busy, but just as "free-style".  The city, and the way to the factory, felt "sandy". 

I did not visit any places of interested, just shuttered between hotel in HCM city and the factory which is one hour out.  The place that I stayed at is a tourist place, like our Orchard Road.  Here's a few pictures of the beautifully decorated pedestrian square in the mist of international and local hotels and commercial buildings. 

The local hotel that I stayed at decorated it's lobby and café with padi plant.  I like it's setting, which feels retro and authentic. 

 

But I felt sad throughout the trip.  Hopefully, it will be for a better purpose for my next trip.

 

 

A little prayer for my first Vietnamese friend, Ms Van:

 

My day

A mixed bag of feelings on my day. 

It started with a rocky weekend, which eventually ended with a battle solved.  Is winning important?  It should not; there is no winner really in a conflict.  But it builds understanding, right?  Definitely a withdrawal from the emotional bank.  Thus, what a pity, that it occurred so near my birthday.

A couple of well wishes came in throughout the day.  Majority of them are from really old friends.  Some were quite funny.

It still felt like a forgotten day, with no cake in sight.  Planned to go off early, and promised myself to get a present to cheer myself up.

Left at slightly after 6, but the rain means that traffic is worse than usual.  Reached tpy slightly before 730.  A series of exchange with an old friend on whatsapp accompanied me during that half hour of feeling sad. 

Went around, even tried on a colored stone ring. $600... I said to the sales lady that I will think about it.  Kept urging myself to just try 2 more shops.  Finally conceded that, I don't need anything, I don't want anything. I am not an impulsive, not intuitive. And then I thought, A life not lacking, be contented and grateful, one feels blessed! 

WK message me to ask when I will be back; I said soon.  When I reached he was not home yet. Then he came home with a small "cake" when I was having dinner. I am thankful for the though.

Cake, song, and photo time!

Happy bd, SW.  Special thanks to my friends;
~BD gals in Jan:
   the still-so-young-小我一轮 SY;
   my dear roommate (that's what I still call you by nowadays, HS), who is "there for me" when I'm feeling super emo on my special day;
  my "oldest" friend Fish,
~Dia, whose BD I cannot really remember is when liao (sorry!).  Err.. June the 8th isit? (still reading my blog?),
~the Jab Beauties (any of you still reading my blog?),
~and my good and best friends, who celebrate for me yearly:

(9th Jan dinner, and then drinks at my home)

And thanks to my loved ones too; my dear sistas SY & WS, and the Lim family and the Yap family!