Dragon's neighbourhood

Yet another post about my neighbourhood (19/20 March).  

It is the first weekend after Grandma's funeral.  It was still March school holiday on Saturday, so Lynn had no tuition that day.  I had wanted to go Gardens by the Bay that afternoon, but WK's schedule didn't fit.  Anyway, that morning, Lynn and I went for our usual breakfast, but did quite a detour "chasing cats and flowers". 

On Sunday morning,  we passed by a "Art at Your Neighbourhood" event.  We were attracted by the craft making, so we signed up on the spot.   Since SG50, the dragon playground has become the icon of TPY. Half way through the craft, I suddenly noticed that Joanne Peh is seated at the same table as us, but I didn't manage to get a photo of her.

 

 

Week 2, 19/March:

Grandma's wake (I)

On the Tuesday, during lunch time, I got a message on the family chat group that Grandma had been certified by the doctor to have passed away at home  at 12 noon.  The first few thoughts that came to my mind were that I'm glad that I visited her at the hospital the week before and also on Sunday morning.  We were also informed that the undertaker will be bringing her body away that evening at 6.30pm.  Most of us (in the chat group) replied that we will be at her home about 5+.

That evening, all of her children, and most of her grandchildren were at her home to say our last goodbye.   With everyone around, Aunty Cindy explained that grandma had been running a fever since Saturday, after her discharge from the hospital on Friday.  She had not been feeding well, both food and medicine.  On Tuesday morning, she experienced difficulty in breathing.  At about 11+, both my aunts had watched her take her last breath.  They couldn't hear any heartbeat, and called for the doctor, who certified her death, with cause as pneumonia.   Grandma's younger brother and sister in law happened to be visiting her that morning, so they were there when she passed away. 

I've heard of old folks who suffered other kinds of organ failure, who struggled for over a week before their last breath,  In those cases, some parts of their body, such as fingernails and leg actually start turning black before their death.  In grandma's case, she still look well in the last few days that I saw her.  Pneumonia (water in her lungs) took her away quickly that morning.  Grandma looked very peaceful when we saw her in the evening.  Aunt explained that Grandma's tongue was slightly out at first, but the body finally rested in peace (by itself) over the next few hours.

The undertaker came slightly after 7, and brought her body away for embalming.  Aunt made an unusual arrangement, which was for the undertaker to keep the body for 2 nights (Tues and Wed) and only to send the coffin to the wake site on Thursday morning.  It was for practical reasons, so as to cut down on one overnight (Wed) duty.  It is highly untraditional, so I was quite impressed. 

Wednesday
Due to the unconventional arrangement, Aunts had the whole of Wed to do several things.  Firstly, it was to book the Pavilion (void deck) for the wake.  Then it was to book newspaper advertisement for Thursday.  They also had to book buffet dinners and lunch for the next few days. 

That evening after work, I went by the funeral site, which was already set up, but without coffin, picture, nor visitor.   It felt calming and serene.  I went up to grandma's house to chat with WS and aunty YY for awhile, and hope that they can have a good rest before the busy days ahead.

Thursday and Friday
I went to work on both days, and left early at 4pm.  On Thursday morning, grandma in her coffin was returned at the funeral site at 9am.  Throughout the day, there were photos in the group chat of wreaths from various companies. 

I was on site to help out from 6pm.  That night, I was again very impressed by the extremely simple and easy Buddhist ritual that my aunts had selected.  We even have chairs to sit on when going through the ritual.  There was no incense paper burning either.  I thought it suited grandma, suited her children and grandchildren, to have such as non ceremonious funeral.   

I'm happy to see relatives and family friends turning up.  I am not close to them, but my mum, uncles and aunties are.  Most relatives turn up on all 3 days (including Saturday), to pay respect and say goodbye to their eldest aunt (my grandma). 

 

 

The cremation (II)

My grandfather passed away more than 20 years ago. Weiqi is only 1 month old then, and this October she will be 21.  His wake then lasted 7 days, but I remember very little of it. The one thing that was etched deeply in my memory was the moment at the crematorium, when his coffin was pushed into the incinerator. It was the peak of emotion. It was final closure for me.

I was looking forward to Saturday after the 2 days of wake. The morning started well enough. But after the few days of hectic activities, patience finally ran thin, and aunt Cindy yelled at aunt YY.  WS did a good meditation job. A few things happened along the way, like I spilled a whole bottle of water on the admin table, so we had to move grandma table photo. We didn't secure the frame to the table, so it fell and the glass broke. Then there was the Muar grand aunt who got upset that she was not prompted to contribute to flower basket, so 2nd grand aunt in law got to go to the market to quickly get one for her.  

Finally the last ritual started after 1pm.  It turned out to be extremely ceremonious, and I dislike it.  

It is also at this point that I started crying. I had wanted to make fun Lynn, so I asked her if I can wipe my tears on her tshirt. To my surprise, my sweetie actually said ok without betting an eyelid. She must be quite at a loss as to how to comfort me. Another sweetie that afternoon is Weihui. She saw me crying, so she asked Lynn to give me a hug. I was touched, so instead of hugging Lynn, I extended my arms to solicite a hug from Weihui. She came up to hug me, then went to hug Wee San when I asked her to. 

Finally we were on our way to Mandai.  Unfortunately, this last part, which I had anticipated for so long, was totally wrecked by the funeral director who kept saying unnecessary stuff.  Life is full of regrets.  I can't send grandma to her cremation again.  But I guess it really doesn't matter to her at all. 

Still, it was closure for me again.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Her final resting place (III)

I wasn't really interested in going back to Mandai on Sunday to collect grandma's ashes, but I went so that Lynn gets to experience it.

It was really an eye opener, as I learn that it is mostly pieces of bones, and not ashes as seen in shows. We were invited to pick a piece of bone each to be put in the urn.  

We then took the urn to its final resting place at a columbarium name 三邑楼.  This is where my grandfather's urn is for the past 20 years. I have only been there on his first death anniversary. It's great to pay respect to him again after so many years. 

It had been 3 weeks. The feelings will never be the same before whenever I visit grandma's house. Life goes on; just need some time getting use to..

Photo and wordings by Wee San:

 

A picture of Lynn and Grandma which WS put up on her blog post:

 

Altar at home, to be maintained for 49 days.  Week 1, 13/3:

 

Chingay at TPY

This took place on 5th March, Saturday. Took sweetie to Lorong1 for the carnival at 6+ but tickets were sold out, so we didn't get to play there. We ate ice cream and waffles as we waited for the parade.  Finally it started at 8 sharp. My favourite is the float from POSB.